The Following Is Based On True Events

I don’t know why, but I have always enjoyed reading ‘A day in my life’ features. So, in the hope, I am not alone in this, please find my own contribution to the field.

I am a stay at home mum to two-and-a-half-year-old Evan and Zoe, who is 10 weeks. The following is based on true events.

7:51am “Evan, you don’t need the iPad. I said no. Yes, Zoe’s awake now isn’t she? Ok you can watch one episode of Paw Patrol while Mummy feeds your sister.”

8:09am “Right, say goodbye to the puppies Evan, its breakfast time. Now please. Evan…Oh hang on a second, Zoe’s just exploded everywhere. One more episode while Mummy changes Zoe and then we’re having breakfast.”

8:31am “Evan, you asked for Weetabix, you’ve got Weetabix. I can’t take the milk off the Weetabix. Well if you don’t want to eat it, you don’t have to, but please stop whining about it.

8:34am “I can still hear whining.”

8:37am “Your tantrum is getting you nowhere Evan. I told you, I can’t take the milk off them.”

8:43am “Good boy, are you enjoying the Weetabix? Excellent! Sorry? You want more milk? Ok, mummy will get it for you.”

9:37am “Evan, hurry up please, Rhyme Time starts at 10 so we need to get going.”

9:38am “Now please. Put the iPad down. How do you even have the iPad?”

9:40am “Yes, you can take a toy with you. While I’m putting Zoe in her car seat, go and choose one.”

9:42am “We’re not taking three dinosaurs with us. Choose one.”

9:46am “One!”

9:48am “Ok lets go! I just need to find my keys. Keys, keys, keys…Keys! Right, we’re ready! Zoe, you haven’t have you? Oh you have. Mummy just needs to go and change Zoe’s nappy and then I promise we’ll go.”

10:07am “Quick up the stairs Evan, I can hear the singing already. Quick, quick, quick!”

10:08am “Sorry we’re late! Again, yes. Really sorry.”

11:38am “You’d like to play with the Play-Doh? Great idea! Why don’t you go and get it out and we can play together?”

11:43am “You don’t want to play Play-Doh anymore? But you were really excited. Ok, we can play Duplo but you need to help tidy away the Play-Doh first.”

11:44am “Evan, why can I see Duplo all over the floor when there is still Play-Doh on the table?”

11:48am “Paw Patrol are tired at the moment, lets give the pups a rest eh?”

11:52am “Ah that’s very kind of you giving some bricks to Zoe. Good boy. Gently sweetheart. Gently. Evan, I said gently. Right enough, Zoe’s head is not target practice.”

2:08pm “Look Zoe’s having a nap, shall we take you upstairs for one? Yes, you can have a story. This one again? Really? But we’ve had that one at least five times already today. It’s your favourite one? Ok, Mummy will read it again, but you’ve got to promise you’ll have a sleep afterwards – deal?”

2:20pm “Evan, I can still hear you.”

3:10pm “No nap for you today then? Yes, I could hear your dinosaur noises. That was a T-Rex roar was it? Oh good. That’s an important life skill you’ve got there, you’ll go far.”

3:34pm “But isn’t it exciting going to the shop? I know. Again. Yes we did go yesterday, and the day before. How about a special treat today, you can walk? Ok!”

3:45pm “No, sweetheart, we don’t need that.”

3:46pm “No, we’ve got plenty of that at home already.”

3:47pm “Can you put that back please.”

3:48pm “Evan can you stop touching things please.”

3:49pm “Oh no no no, Zoe please don’t you start. Mummy wants to look at least a little bit competent.”

3:50pm “Evan can you get up please? Now. You’re in the middle of the aisle, people are actually stepping over you now. Get up. Ok, yes, you can have chocolate. Anything. Just please get up.”

4:26pm “That’s my phone charger Evan, what are you up to? Oh sweetheart, Zoe doesn’t need charging. There isn’t a socket on her head.”

4:29pm “Yes, Zoe’s just a bit upset now. She doesn’t really like being poked. I promise you she definitely doesn’t have a socket on her head.”

4:45pm “Paw Patrol? Sure Mummy will put it on for you. Just a couple of episodes ok while I start dinner.”

5:45pm “It’s not working? Let me come and I have a look. Oh, that’s just asking if you’re still watching it. It does that when the TV is on for a long time. There you go, it’s working again now.”

6:11pm “Dinner! Come on through please! Yes, that’s right, the puppies need to be put to sleep now, I mean go to sleep. Go to sleep. Silly Mummy!”

6:13pm “Look Mummy’s made fish pie, yum yum. I’m sorry? Disgusting? Put it in the bin? Yes I thought that was what you said.”

6:17pm “There’s nothing else Evan, so it’s this or you’ll be going hungry.”

6:21pm “Can you please just try one bite?”

6:24pm “It’s not a worm. It’s just spinach. I promise you. Ok, sure, it’s a worm, give it to me.”

6:48pm “Do you want to sit on your potty before you get in the bath? Are you sure? Fine. Lets get you in that water then.”

6:51pm “Its ok, its ok. Don’t panic sweetheart, Mummy will fish it out and then we can flush it down the toilet can’t we? No, I’m not being sick darling, it’s called gagging.”

6:52pm “Yey Daddy’s home! Just in time. Lets get you out. No don’t worry, Daddy will clean it all up.”

7:10pm “Well that was a good story wasn’t it? Shall we get you into bed now? Oh baby, you are so cute, I love you too. Sweet dreams my darling.”


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Karen is a stay at home mum to one, with another one on the way. She's also responsible for a husband and a cat. An editor by trade, she hates cleaning (a problem given her domestic role), loves chocolate, and is weirdly good at pub quizzes. Her specialist Mastermind subject would be Neighbours.