Let’s talk about sex, (after) Baby

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Sex, foreplay, lady gardens, willies, lube, lingerie, vibrators. We have all done the act, bought the products, inspected the areas, tried, tested and enjoyed. So, why when we have children do we suddenly banish the aforementioned to a bag, closet or cover with a rather large pair of knickers, to gather dust, cobwebs and become inanimate objects? Talking about, doing or even thinking about sex after having kids seems to have become a taboo. The very act that created the children becomes unimaginable.

As women, we are emotional, tired, traumatised and our weapons, aka lady gardens, have lost their elasticity and shut the doors. Unless you’ve had a C-section. Then your lady garden remains intact, but your abdomen has been sliced open and you can’t bend forward to even see if it’s still there so you simply take the word of the nurse who completes your smear test at 3 months postpartum when she comments “oh, you’re quite tight”!

And for the men in our lives, some may be too afraid to even think of the act in case they get you pregnant again and others may be too afraid of the unrecognisable creature their wife/partner has become after weeks/months of no sleep and basically just watching a human constantly to ensure that you keep them alive!

That moment, the first time you “do it” after the birth, is simply marred by thoughts such as “please hurry up”, “please don’t look at my stretch marks”, “please don’t let the baby wake up”, “I have more hair on my body than my husband does” and “I really should wash these bed clothes”! This scenario probably repeats itself a number of times – or never happens at all – and some months on we forget that we were even a couple before this tiny human arrived in our lives. We haven’t seen each other naked for 6 months (unless it’s by accident while trying to retrieve the toddler from climbing into the toilet while your other half is in the shower!).

For me, I began to listen to my other half when he told me I was sexier and constantly commented on my “beautiful” body. Maybe he’s been totally starved of sexual contact and would say anything to at least have a fumble, or maybe he genuinely means it. Regardless, I’ve remembered that I am still human (most of the time), I still have desires and shouldn’t be put off by a few extra hairs and a few more wobbly bits…they pay for wobbly butts in Hollywood!  We may now be parents, but we are still a couple and still fancy the pants off each other!

So, I’ll say this: let’s dust off those cobwebs, break out the razors, resurrect that bag of sexy lingerie, untangle it all, open a bottle of gin (to aid with that dirty talk) and let’s bring sexy back! But first…let’s go to the pharmacy and buy 100 condoms!

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Aoife is a first time Mum to Elodie and can't quite believe she has made it through the first year of motherhood in one piece and with (most but not all) her sanity still in tact! She enjoys anything crime related (watching and working with) and her beloved daughter spent her time in the womb listening to the clinking of keys around a prison as mummy did her day job (Mum wasn't actually a prisoner)! Now back at work full, time, she didn't realise just how tiring it would be but quite enjoys spending all of her wages on the luxury of Costa coffees in the mornings. Aoife loves coffee, Gin, cheese, fake tan, a good book, a good giggle with the girls and watching a series from start to finish in one weekend! She would post her twitter page link here but she cant remember her log in details and actually has no idea how to use twitter!!

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