HE’S BEHIND YOU! No he’s not. He’s slipped out from the coat-barrier you created to barricade him in and your little darling is running towards the stage, trousers falling down, soggy nappy on show, chocolate round his mouth and shouting ‘me kiss Iggle Piggle. Me kiss Iggle Piggle’.

You jump up, spilling Haribo and full fat coke all over the nice middle class women and her immaculate kids sitting next you, quaffing mountain water and organic rice cakes. You mention something about leaving the home-made quinoa bars at home and waddle, dragging your humungous 8.5 month pregnant body across the laps of tutting parents (what happened to all being in this together) and try to distract and instruct your 2 year old with semaphore and naughty step gestures*.

Ahhhhhhh, the happy memories of culturally beneficial theatre trips with toddlers!

It doesn’t have to be like this! All the theatres we’ve chosen are providers of brilliant children’s shows with excellent family friendly facilities. You never know, with a prevailing wind you may even be able to finish your Hairbos in peace.

Please send us details of any other theatres you love.

*no large, plush CBeebies characters were harmed in the creating of this (true) story.

Royal Festival Hall

The Royal Festival Hall is home to a world-class concert hall with a programme of music and performances across genres. It forms the heart...

The Unicorn Theatre

The Unicorn Theatre is one of the leading professional theatres for young people. They offer a range of productions for children and young people...

The Albany Theatre, Deptford

The Albany is a community based theatre in Deptford, SE8. It offers a very diverse programme of arts productions, putting on some 400 performances...

Churchill Theatre, Bromley

Good local theatre with a variety of musicals, drama, comedy, dance, family shows, one night events, and even the traditional pantomime. It's a light...

Greenwich Theatre

Set at the bottom of Crooms Hill, you will find the lovely Greenwich Theatre. It is a short distance to Greenwich Park, bus routes,...