To my little pickles,
I want to start by saying I’m sorry. I know it’s mum guilt and in the long run a happy mum will make a happy home, but right now my decisions have turned your two little worlds upside down and I can’t apologise enough for that.
It’s been 2 months since your daddy moved out and it’s been tough on us all. Your world changed the moment I made that decision and please believe me when I say it wasn’t an easy one. I promise you, I tried. But some things just can’t be fixed and I just want what’s best for us all, and that’s a home where we are all happy. Daddy and I will always do our best to be friends and nothing will ever change our love for you. And please, please don’t ever think it was because of either of you.
Your Daddy is brilliant; he does everything a dad should do and more. My big boy, he took you on as his own the day he met you, when you were a chubby little toddler and he never looked back. He grew into a great step-dad and you have an unbreakable bond that nobody can ever take from you.
Sweet boy, I know this is hard for you, you already have one dad, your biological dad, that isn’t in your life as he should be, but I’m trying to fix that. I promise you, Daddy and I will be friends; you will never go through that pain again, you will never lose out, you will never lose the daddy that chose you, because he loves you with every bone in his body and I in mine and we will always protect you.
My princess, I know this is breaking you little heart, you’re such a Daddy’s girl. It upsets you so much to see him leave, but Daddy will always be back, because he loves you so much he’ll never be gone for long. Daddy will still be there to pick you up from nursery, he will still carry you on his shoulders to the park and he’ll still be in your home tucking you into bed every night he can. Because your Daddy is present and active and loves you deeply.
Mummy is trying so hard to make this all ok, but I know at times I fail. We don’t play enough because I’m at work, but I work for you, for us, for our future. I want to make you proud of me and show you that you can achieve your dreams, no matter what life throws at you. We don’t read enough and Mummy is sorry, I’ll try harder, I’ll make that time, because you deserve my time, always. Mummy gets cross sometimes because you don’t listen, but it isn’t always your fault, it’s mine, I don’t listen enough to the both of you. You’re not naughty, you just need my attention because I know you miss me. I want to be the best Mum I can be and I’ll admit it is hard, finding a new life balance is tricky, but please remember, I will always put you first, every time, without a doubt. Mummy might go out with her friends or you’ll spend time alone with Daddy, but I will always be there if you wake in the night, and when you get up in the morning. I will never leave you.
It’s been a bumpy road for us all these 8 weeks, but I know together we can get through it all. I’ve done it before and I can do it again. My babies, do you know why Mummy can do this? Because I have you! My darling children you are the light in my life; you can do anything. There will always be just that one thing you do, a smile, a laugh, a cheeky comment and everything is right with the world again. I live and breathe for the both of you.
Mummy and Daddy promise to work together as always to bring you up; a strong co-parenting relationship, a team, a family unit, just not a conventional one, but it will be a happy one. I’m not saying there won’t be hard times, sad times or stressful moments, but Daddy and I promise to put you both first, always. You both make us so proud in all that you do. We promise we will stand side by side at your sports day, your parents evening, assemblies, concerts and nativities, everything you do, because at the end of all the troubles you are still the most important people in our lives and deserve our all. We will do our best to be a family and holiday together, celebrate birthdays together, have Christmas together. It may not always be that way and it may not always be that easy but we will both do everything we can to make this transition easier for you.
In the future there may be someone new that loves Mummy or Daddy, but we will support one another so we can continue to support you. We will make new friendships and become a bigger better family with more people to love but we will always love you the same way, deep from the bottom of our hearts. Nobody can ever take that love from you. Your are our pride and joy.
I can’t promise you the world and I can’t make it perfect, but we can promise to make our imperfect family as perfect, whole and loving as we possibly can.
This blog is part of our ‘A Letter To’ series.
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