To my Baby,
As I write this, I contemplate your arrival into the world amongst so many uncertainties. Although I have some ideas, I am yet to know your name. I am yet to have a due date, or even know the year of your birth. I do not know if you will be my first baby son or daughter and, in that respect, I have no preference. I may not ever give birth to you. You may already be born, or be born in the future and then be in need of a forever family. In a world full of uncertainties, I can confidently say, I will be your Mummy one day my baby, it is my calling to be a parent.
I have spent many nights, before I fall asleep, imagining what you would look like. I imagine holding you in my arms for the first time, feeling that rush of unconditional love, and if truth be told, a little apprehension for what the future holds for us. I secretly hope that if my last thought before slumber is of you, then you will be there in my dreams and it will feel so real. If only for one night, I will be a parent.
I have longed to be a Mother for so long, you my baby, are so wanted. I cannot promise that I will be perfect, that I will not make mistakes. I promise though that we will never end a day together without the warmth of a loving cuddle, a bed time story and a declaration from me: “sleep well my baby, dream big, reach for the stars.”
At the time I am writing this, the world as we know it seems to be full of heartbreak and pain. You my darling, are my little ray of hope. I know the world will improve with your existence in it for I will teach you to be tolerant of others, and value diversity. I promise you that I will try my best to shelter you from harm, but give you the freedom to become your own person.
There will be moments in your life when I will no longer be there in person, but by then I would hope that you are an adult. That you are able to support yourself and your own family from the strong foundations that your Father and I established together for you. Even if I am no longer with you, I hope that you would feel that I am not too far away. From when you arrive I vow to create many positive memories for you to take into adulthood. These memories will not be expensive holidays and material things, but memories I value from my own childhood: a bedtime story every night, snuggling on the sofa under blankets, your Grandma’s yummy macaroni cheese. These memories have no monetary value; they are priceless moments that made me feel like I had the best Mummy and Daddy in the world.
It may seem very strange for others to consider having aspirations for a child that is not yet conceived, but you my baby can grow to be whomever you want to be. My only desires are that you are happy and you feel loved and supported. Ultimately, as an adult looking back on your childhood, I would want you to say ‘my Mum did the best for me that she could’. If you can say these then I feel I have achieved what I wish for more than anything else in the whole world.
Full of longing, apprehension and excitement, I look forward to the day I meet you, my baby.
Lots of love forever and always,
This blog is part of our ‘A Letter To’ series.
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