To My Darling Ruby Tuesday,
Firstly let me tell you how unbelievably proud I am of you, I don’t tell you nearly as much as I should do and this isn’t just about everything you achieve but I am proud of the caring, beautiful and magical 8-year-old person you are.
Mostly this letter is to say ‘sorry’ and ‘I hope you understand’ – which I am sure you will as you are old beyond your years and countless people say that they are certain you’ve been here before. I am sorry for all the times I say ‘in a minute’. Whether this is when you want to sing to me, show me something you have created or you want me to watch you do a handstand or cartwheel…. Sometimes those minutes don’t happen and I should learn to do the washing ‘in a minute’ or tidy up ‘in a minute’ as my time with you is precious.
I am sorry for ever telling you to not be bossy; you are never malicious or nasty in anything you do. Even when you were 4, whilst on holiday, we watched you organise a game with all the children, you even had 10 year olds listening to you. This showcases such great leadership skills and I should be nurturing this trait rather than trying to change you.
Baby, you are so outgoing and friendly and on occasion I have questioned if you should get involved with everything all the time and thinking about this now it breaks my heart. I have been projecting my own fears of rejection on to you when I should only ever be encouraging your amazing ability to include everyone and make friends in any situation.
I am sorry if my stress about money, the house or other adult things shows through and affects my mood – these are not your worries. All these things are put into perspective with the horrendous events going on in our country at the moment and the tragedies that have touched so many people we know over the last year. Unfortunately, this normally only dawns on me when I come into your bedroom when you are fast asleep to give you a kiss and I get the overwhelming feeling that I should wake you up and tell you all this.
I want to say thank you for so many things that you do but especially how good you are with your sister. Over the past three years, since the day your world changed, you have had to share me and your dad but you never complained once when Ava started having the seizures and she needed us so much. You were still so young, but over those months you acted way beyond your meagre 6 years and rather than be jealous of the attention your sister was getting, I think you loved her even more. Still now you look for signs that she is ok and when you double check that she has had her medicine I feel like my heart might explode with love.
There are so many things that I love to do with you but I wanted to name a few so that we never forget: I love when we are in the car singing at the top of our voices to Ed Sheeran, I love when we are mucking about with Daddy whether this is water fights or debates about something ridiculous and you always take my side, #GirlsRule. I love to watch you play; your imagination is super and it makes me smile to watch the wonderful stories that unfold.
So from now on I promise to be silly more often, to giggle with you as much as possible and make so many more unforgettable memories with you.
I love you to the moon and back,
P.S. Please tidy your room and do your homework 😉
This blog is part of our ‘A Letter To’ series.
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