You turn onto that aisle in Tesco that shows the one dreaded word on a sign……NAPPIES…..
One would think that a contraption that consists of absorbent material would be a standard thing: one brand, one decision. OH NO, how wrong you were!! That aisle smacks you with over a dozen brands! You’ve seen that popular brand on TV, used in hospitals all over the world – surely that’s the one? Scan to the price….utter speechlessness ensues! I could have a lip, eyebrow, underarm AND bikini wax for the price of one bag of nappies!! Moving on….2nd most popular brand, they sell it in the wholesalers for cheap, in bulk….surely that would be the most economical choice? Then, remind yourself that every trip to said wholesalers ends in a trolley full of alcohol (need to be responsible)….2nd brand loses!
Mummy friend said the OTHER supermarket has own brand nappies which were voted “best by mums 2016”. Why is it always the year before they are voted best? What’s wrong with this year? Is no one using nappies this year? Have we all got lost in the aisle of a thousand brands and trapped in a mind spinning world of indecision?
End result of this process is trying AT LEAST 5 different brands, resulting in half opened bags of nappies littering the house, like discarded helmets after a war!
Sweet mother of divine……do I really need 6 diagrams on a pack to show how it works? You put it on, tiny human fills it up, take it off and discard….surely?? NO, you’d be wrong! You see, it doesn’t simply say ‘front’ or ‘back’ where it should, you have to study the picture of the overly happy child on the front of the pack to figure out if the stupid monkey face is at the front. If so, that’s what you go with and hope for the best – realising that your intelligence has been reduced to “using the pictures”. Have you ever tried figuring out the instructions on nappies in a different country? THAT is when the pictures become most important!
So, you’ve made it through the instructions….time to open the packet and get this job done! But what you don’t realise is that you need a pliers to get the bloody plastic open and then the strength of a bull to pull a nappy out! Why do they pack them so tightly? Do they have any knowledge of how changing a nappy works? One hand keeping the half-off nappy on the tiny human, trying to stop the contents from being dragged through the house, and the other hand battling like a wild rhino to retrieve the new one! I’ve had to put a ‘Nappy Changing Process’ in place which requires preparation before the actual task….like I needed another process to remember!
Is it just me or does nappy changing turn you into a psychotic lunatic? Such a simple task pushes me to the limit of my patience! I break a sweat, curse the day I thought it would be a good idea to become a parent, battle to keep the tiny human still and fight with a packet of wipes (another thing they pack so tightly you need an angle grinder to pry them apart!). We tried “pull ups” to reduce the amount of effort needed….but that in itself needs a blog dedicated to it.
It’s something you never quite get used to. One would presume that 15 months in to this new job you’d be used to it; you have been smelling it for 15 months and surely your nose has adjusted? WRONG! It never ceases to amaze me that no matter what tricks you try, how scented the nappy bags are, how good/fancy your bin is, how far away from the living quarters the bin is (because living quarters is how I like to describe living in a flat)….THE.SMELL.LINGERS! You empty the bin….it’s still there….the fumes have engrained themselves into the plastic insert in the bin – my tiny human has produced that infectious horrid stench and they are totally oblivious to the trauma it causes! Bleach, air freshener, essential oils, boiling water….NOTHING removes it! I’ve stopped apologising to visitors for the smell in our house; we have a child, nothing smells normal anymore, deal with it! And if you’ve ever left a dirty nappy in a nappy bag in the living room for the day, you probably understand the feeling of being tipped over the edge!